Not Yet

I wrapped my sweater more closely around my body as I stood and looked out at the familiar horizon before me. I thought how strange it is that the familiar can change day by day, but yet somehow those familiar changes do give a comfortable feeling of knowing. Of consistency. I really love that.

How quickly summer has passed, I thought. My husband and I have been loyal to this annual ritual of saying goodbye to one familiar and journeying to another warmer familiar. Moving from one nest to another never gets easier. At least for me. It seems that just as quickly as we get into a comfortable routine at one place, we have to shut the door and start again somewhere else. This year, it has happened too quickly.

“Oh look the leaves are beginning to curl and turn,” I said to my husband this morning, “September just arrived …. it shouldn’t be this cold yet.” The loud cicadas have been signaling the beginning of the end and now the leaves turning. I am not ready. So not ready, I said to myself looking out over the ocean.

Not just yet. No hurry here. I’m not ready for summer’s last breath to blow in the winds that chill me to the bone.

I hesitated. What am thinking? To be honest with myself, the truth is, Life is going by too, too quickly for me. I am not ready for much more than just changing my seasonal nest. That’s just a small part of it.

I’m not ready to grow old. Period. I’m not ready for my seasons to change. I’m not ready for my white hair to define me. I’m not ready to have to stand on my tiptoes to kiss my grandson on the cheek. I’m not ready to have people help me with my groceries. I’m not ready to have the young ‘texters’ give up their seats for me. I am not ready to be irrelevant.

I am…..just…..not……ready for that yet….but…….

I am so ready to keep dancing in front of the mirror. I am so ready to splash in the waves along the beach. I am so ready for gelled nails. I am so ready to daydream to love songs and wave my arms at rock concerts. I am so ready to eat a whole cheesecake and not feel guilty about it. I am so ready for the young girl inside of me to stay around for a long time.

Copyright Sandra Hart 2014. All rights reserved.

Let’s face it. I am just…..well…..so not…..ready to act my age!

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REAR VIEW MIRROR

Organizing things the past few months at the house, finding memorabilia, going through old photographs that bring up past images and a past life, it seems I’m looking in the rearview mirror more and more these days.

For those of us who are living our lives well over 50, the reality, painful to even think about, is that the bulk of our life is probably behind us. Gone is our youth, the flawless, glowing skin, tight body mass, and unbridled energy juggling our family and our young kids lives.

How easy to slip back into those warm fuzzy memories of what used to be and for a moment escape what really is…at this time-NOW….forgetting how exciting or important this leg of our journey can be.

My flight attendant daughter is now 50 and she complains that with her creative aspirations, she is not where she hoped to be at 50, as though it is all over for her.

And once more, I have to go over the chronology of my life and career. Moving forward was all that I pursued with never even a thought of age as a handicap. Maybe that is why it never mattered. She is no exception. No different than I. It still is possible for new and exciting chapters to be written for and by her. That goes for you, too.

As I recently posted on Facebook, in my 20’s and 30’s I worked in television while raising a family, my 40’s I entered the corporate world to support my family, in my 50’s I started all over as an actress in film, television and theater and in my 60’s became a published author, a mental health advocate and blogger.

Don’t get me wrong. I am no Pollyanna. Life has not all be roses for me. Like most of you, I have had my struggles, disappointments and heartaches. But something inside of me gave me the strength to always get up and have faith that another door would open, another chapter would be written. Without fail, it always happened that when I was the most down, I was lifted the highest into a better place in my life. Always.

As long as there is a new day I plan to make the most of every hour gifted to me. We build our own fences. We control our limitations. Set yourself free and see just how high you can fly!

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Copyright Sandra Hart 2014. All rights reserved.